Mental Health Update

“Usually such men are hard, even self-punishing workers, capable of long periods of isolation or aloneness, and suffer bouts of crippling melancholy. They refuse to take antidepressants, they refuse to talk too much; instead they wait and wait, with the patience of a cat, for the mood to turn. They drink coffee alone in the morning, they smoke cigarettes on the porch.” - C.H.

I think a huge part of my problem is that I internalize everything. There I go, using psychology vocab. But really, I think I’m a lot more introverted than I would like to admit to myself. And I don’t think that I express my anger with myself in the outside world in any other way than just by becoming a bitch. I understand that that makes others just step away from me, thinking, “bitch.” and thus not taking me seriously or trying to spend time finding out what the problem is or listening to me.

There hasn't been an official diagnosis, but basically my mom has a form of dementia (like Alzheimer's disease) -- but she just turned 55 in March.

"Diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder" - That's a hell of a diagnosis. Co-morbidity is common among the mentally ill but borderline personality disorder is about as bad as it gets without actually moving into the psychotic disorders. BPD can produce psychotic episodes but is not characterized by them. This needed treatment, lots of it. No one with a mental illness can pull themselves up by their boot straps and both of these disorders can lead to very destructive behaviour. Many of the behaviours of the mentally ill are those they learned to use to cope with in disordered environments. As bad as the disease is, the stigma attached to it can be worse. So either you are deliberately and stupidly eccentric or you are a nut case. Pick one! Live with that! The behaviour of people towards the mentally ill is often what starts the downward spiral, thus the stigma increases the likelihood of the disorder becoming worse.

After filling out most of the assessment, I am beginning to understand why he wanted to focus on my weight issue. It seems it is not uncommon, at least by the questions, that sexual anorexia and eating disorders travel hand in hand down the road of dysfunction. I have only recently been introduced to the term sexual anorexia so other than the basics, such as avoiding sexual intimacy, I don't know much about it.

My husband - now he’s a very easy target, and I wonder if he unknowingly contributes significantly to my depression - not with the things he does but with the things he doesn’t do. For starters, he doesn’t seem to ever want to touch me. When we do have sex, it’s good for me, and he says for him as well, but it never seems to inspire him to want more, whereas when I have good sex, it always leaves me hungry for more. I’m ready for more the very next day, but no such luck. Actually I’d be happy if we did it once a week, that’s above the national average in Singapore for married couples hitting 40, but with me, it’s once in 2 months. Basically he’s just too exhausted. I’d suspect him of having an affair and letting off all his steam elsewhere but then one look at him, and you know, he’s just completely lost his libido.

To fully appreciate the trouble my friend is getting himself into, one must understand what his ex-girlfriend was like. I dont usually use pseudonyms (i dont have the imagination to invent witty pseudonyms that acccurately describe the individual) but i think for this case i should. I will call my friend.... Bob, and his ex-girlfriend will be, umm, Jane, and his new girlfriend will be Kimmie (this is her real name, but she spells it really weird, it has like 5 "I's" and a "W" in their somewhere). Anyway Bob and Jane started dating in 2001, 3 weeks after they started dating Jane moved in with Bob, much to the chagrin of his roommate and close friend... Steve (yes, Steve will do). Anyway, soon after Jane moved in she forced Bob to kick Steve out of the house and severe all ties with him.

Thanks in part to mad cow disease, we may soon see chicken feathers incorporated into circuit boards. Our love of chicken burgers and drumsticks has created a rather large demand for chickens which in turn has produced huge quantities of feathers each year. Currently these feathers are used in low-grade animal feed but that may soon come to an end as authorities review the practice of using animal byproducts in feed. So what will become of all of these feathers?

For some reason my week has gone by with too many mentions of “Bipolar Disorder”. I’ve been having thoughts that it is very possible that I suffer from Bipolar Disorder. Here’s some random research that might shed some light on the subject, and prove whether I am bipolar or not.

What was tragic? Donny’s guest was Jane Pauley who was flogging her new book, Out of the Blue. Jane is the epitome of a media personality, having anchored the Today Show with Tom Brokaw and Bryant Gumbel, and having earned many broadcast awards. Jane is also a promoter of psychiatry. She admitted to having developed “hypomanic” (milder than full-blown mania) symptoms on an antidepressant. At the time, she explained, her mind and thoughts were racing and she couldn’t control them. But then she added that of course the drug didn’t make her become manic; the drug just “brought out” her underlying or pre-existing bipolar disorder.

Cindi, with whom I've been friends for 23 years - is my friend who also experiences the joys and challenges of Attention Deficit Disorder. Only I think hers is actually officially Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which might explain why she gets up to run several miles every morning. Or did...I haven't kept up lately. I just know she's so busy and energetic it makes even me tired in ways my own full life doesn't make me.

When I was first hit with post partum depression after our second child, I was on a high powered hunt to alleviate the symptoms. There was no way I could cope with not coping. Three more children and three more bouts of PPD had me convinced I'd probably never go off prozac - and the medical advice I got confirmed it. I could have been a salesperson for antidepressants, so strong was my conviction in their value...Antidepressants kept the demon of not coping away...

As a dancer/figure skater/WOMAN, I know all too well the world of eating disorders. My own personal eating habits are crazy effed up - that in itself is a long, painful story that I choose to keep private at this time - so I’m definitely not one to give advice. But somehow giving advice is easier than taking it. Unfortunately, dance.net is littered with young ladies who are literally destroying their bodies in order to get that impossible-if-only-by-genetics-or-starvation Balanchine look. It really saddens me to see these girls with such amazing potential - true athletes and artists that in many cases have opportunities to turn professional - see flaws in their bodies that aren’t really there.

But, I do not feel the horrible crushing emotional pain and guilt of past deeds that I normally feel when I am depressed. I think maybe I am having some mixed states. But, it is so hard for me to track my moods. I thought making this blog and transferring some of my journals to here would help. It has showed me more about my moods than I knew previously. But, still I do not have a clear indication of my cycles.

I dread going into the doctor’s office because I know that I will either have to lie, or I will have to talk about the way I feel. And they will tell me to go to counseling, blah, blah, blah. Yes, I know that it would be better for me in the long run to take care of this problem. But one of the things about depression is that it makes you not want to do the things you need to do to get better. The whole thing is overwhelming.

Adult Attention Deficit Disorder – distinct from childhood ADD – is rather like having THC in your brain, but never getting high. There are times when you are doing fine, and your brain processes multiple threads with relish. However, most of the time one or more threads become detached, and the task is simply lost. It’s not precisely a learning disability, but a recall disability. Synapses are not clogged, they are under-powered, as it were. Load the system, and the paths break down. The effect of “use-it-or-lose-it” applies very much earlier in the game. The information is still there, but the path is lost. There are methods for compensating, but these require a good knowledge of learning theory, and you can still end up burning your breakfast while checking your email.

Study participants were divided into two groups; both groups were assessed for risk of Alzheimer's based on the usual risk factors, but only one group was told their APOE genotype. Instead of a higher level of anxiety and depression in the group that was given information on their APOE genotype, researchers found no significant difference in negative feelings between the two groups.

I've been battling a mild case of anxiety for the past few days, mostly over my new students. I've been doing the first round of preliminary scheduling (which is easier than I had thought it was going to be) and compiling a starter lesson notebook for each of my new students (which is much more work than I had anticipated). All through this, I've been doing some revisions on my master method book and I've found that I pretty much hate everything that I've done in my lessons for the past six years. It's been rough, but productive.

The elder of the two boys was Hans (1904-1973), a hydraulics engineer and professor at the University of California at Berkely, noted for his research on river sediment and tidal flows. His younger brother, Eduard (1910-1965), planned to study medicine, but was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 20 and was cared for by his mother until her death in 1948. He spent the remainder of his life in a psychiatric institution.

First Tom Cruise criticizes Brooke Shields for taking antidepressants to combat postpartum depression, and now he is attacking the use of psychiatric medications, and psychiatry itself, because he’s “read the research” and therefore knows more than any other medical professional on the planet.

I dunno how I can help out anyone else who's gone through the same experiences as me, but I guess all I can say is that I turned out fine, and hopefully you did too. Like the stats above show, you're not alone - there are many people who've simply shut up about their experiences coz its taboo or shit.

I just don’t scare anymore. Sure, I’ll jump if something startles me, but nothing gets me so scared thatI need to sleep with a nightlight on or hide under my blankets. I reckon it is the Paxil that has taken away my fear gene or something. Idk. Reminds me of that book series, Fearless about this young teenage girl who was born without the fear gene. Lucky girl she is. I’d kill for that, Then maybe I wouldn’t be so terrified ofspiders and storms and maybe I wouldn’t have social anxiety. Idk, man, idk.

A paper published last month by the group in the Journal of Virology showed one such compound called Cinanserin can stop the SARS virus from replicating. Interestingly cinanserin, was approved in the United States for clinical use in the 1960s to treat schizophrenia and other psychopathic diseases. Shen one of the researchers said that: ‘cinanserin could not form a SARS treatment on its own, but would need to be used in combination with other drugs’. As it is an old safe and cheap drug, it could be used widely for SARS patients in the developing world.

The USDA says that despite the discovery of bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE-Mad Cow Disease) in another US cow the "threat to humans in this country is so remote that there's a better chance you'll get hurt crossing the street to get to the grocery store than by the beef you buy in the grocery store," said Agriculture Secretary, Mike Johanns.

My doctors have told me not to worry about losing weight. They want me to eat a healthy diet. But with the recent changes with the Food Pyramid, and years of dieting, eating disorders and allergies, I have absolutely no clue how to eat a healthy diet anymore. I never had the best examples to begin with, and so I need to learn a new healthy eating lifestyle. From all of my research, Weight Watchers seems to come the closet to teaching this.

It's becoming increasingly harder for me to leave him to go places like home, or work, or even to the grocery store. I think I'm experiencing actual separation anxiety. It was really bad on Friday. Even my sister asked, "What's wrong with you..? Oh, that's right, Grant's out of town, isn't he?" God, is it that obvious? I'm feeling more and more pathetic everyday.

Brooke Shields wrote an Op-Ed piece in the New York Times (free registration required), speaking out against remarks made by Tom Cruise about her use of antidepressants to fight postpartum depression.

You are the medication nurse for an inpatient psychiatric unit. Mrs. M. is a 64 year old admitted for schizophrenia medication adjustment. Vital signs are: BP 103/54, HR 48. Medications are Geodon, Lanoxin, and Keppra. Would you?

1. Hold all medications and call the physician
2. Hold the Geodon and call the physician
3. Hold the Lanoxin and call the physician
4. Hold the Keppra and call the physician

This case of domestic mad cow disease in Texas is worrying mainly because of the cow’s age - 12 years old - meaning that it could have ingested feed before the 1997 ban took effect. How many more cows with mad cow are out there? If one lot of feed was infected, how many more were there? One encouraging bit of news was that the authorities were quick on the trigger here, swiftly jumping on this and investigating. Can we still have faith in red meat? Of course we can, but even if you are worried there are other meats such as chicken, pork and so on, that are grown and produced domestically.

I get tested for cancer every year. The tests came back negative this year again. The testing allows me to make informed decisions. It’s part of a complete physical. People in psychology sometimes don’t take a full physical history when they do an intake on their new patients. That can be a mistake. A lot of physical conditions can contribute to emotional problems. Things like anemia and thyroid disorders are frequent causes of depression in women. Infection causes fatigue and can easily be mistaken for depression. If you don’t get a physical you miss the opportunity to get an early jump on treatment when it can be most effective, when the conditions are minor and easy to treat.