Mental Health Update

I cant keep my hands off my face and pick my fingers too

I pick my face *and I'm not sure if it even has a specific name yet (for this problem i have) I wish it did though. For me, i do admit that i worry exceedingly about people breaking into the house, or if i see something on tv (like big foot or some other far fetched-like idea), for a week or two sometimes longer, I really think a lot about the possibilities that these things are true and get really wierded out and scared - for instance thinking bigfoot could be looking into the house but, as time goes on since i watch the tv show these paranoid scared feelings go away. Also, i think for me it's a combination of things ( i beleive i have post-traumatic stress Or/and stress from current mental abuse that has been ongoing since childhood mental and physical abuse in the past))) All this really screwed me up (the abuse) i am definately not happy in my current situation (bad abusive relationship that i AM stuck in, it's not physical so i'm gutting it out until i can save money to be on my own. NOt to mention i feel abandoned by my entire family because they repeatedely refuse to take me in when i get into situations with abusive people, when the abuse started with my parents to begin with, ironic, hard to deal with and forget, and move on, hard not to fear things and be worried, and with a bad relationship to top it all off the stress is surrmountable sometimes, but i am NOt a quiter, i never will be. I am also tinkering with an idea i may have bipolar,,,,, basically i am sick of all these labels (post-traumatic stress, OCD, bipolar, schizofrenia, etc.) I feel i am just sad and most in part because of an unfortunate strain of events that has followed me. Partly because of abandonment when i was not ready to go into the world and i'm sure it's that thought in my mind (THAT WON"T leave, and FOLLows me everywhere_,, and all the reminders of a prediciment and going back and forth between blaming myself and blaming my parents that causes me to pick, also, the fact that i'm in an abusive relationship.. i feel i just need someone to talk too everyday,,, why doesn't the psyciatric field come up with a way for others to talk on the phone or something for people like me who literally feel trapped except for internet use to socialize, and little money to get out etc. (no money for health care) -= i have family but the lingering feeling that all my picking is due to being abandoned, really urkes me... I just wish there was a hotline, or buddy group either for people like me, or just anyone who will listen (everyday) everyone needs that in their life and people who don't get it from their partners and all the moving leaves them with no friends, no college edu., ... There must be so many people out there like me i truly beleive that and all must think i have a hidden agenda, but seriously i just don't agree with people being slapped with a "named condition" based on their actions,,,, these are normal actions by all humans that are put under the types of stress i must deal with and which i have been dealing with for a longer period of time because i don't have a family like most people have who will bail me out (they'll "talk" and that's it) and if even half where put through stains like abuse, and abandonment,with no safety net to fall back on and a young child to take care of , yes negative emotions leading to health problems are (need i say like "duh" a natural happening). But i guess there's too much money in psyciatry to just stop all the name calling and set up call groups for us less fortunate who have no money and can only read and dream about just having someone to talk to, let alone good medical "talk" - sorry all you doctors but i really don't think medicine is the answer, i think love is -

I WILL never give up.

J