Mental Health Update

This is a thoroughly depressing film, and I mean it in a good way, though weird that it might sound. Tackling the serious issue on manic depression, It's Only Talk manages to ring home the theme and resonate it within you. On the other hand, I didn't like the movie for its effect it had on me, as I certainly did not like the negativity feeling that permeated.

Chinese scientists claim to have successfully cloned a calf that is resistant to the infamous mad cow disease (more properly known as Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy).

Irina Shklovski (Carnegie Mellon University - blog) discussed how people use technology to cope with a socially stressing event such as long distance residential moves. In her study, Shklovski looked at the changes in online behavior after a move as a function of self-reported depression/lonelines, gender, and type of Internet use.

Unlike Andrew Bartlett, I haven't exactly been open about having depression over the past few years, except to friends, family and my personal brain-care specialist. On the other hand, I have thrown out enough hints here and there, so I might as well step all the way out of the closet and admit that I have a yappy little black terrier of my very own. I share Senator Bartlett's interest in the way depression is perceived, portrayed and dealt with - and this page on the Hillsong web-site - written by American evangelical crap-artist Marilyn Hickey - makes me bloody angry.

Between having chronic depression and ADD and some really bad bouts of anxiety where I almost made myself puke, I’ve tried tons of medications over the years. I can cluck off the names of anti-depressants like a child can name Santa’s reindeer. Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Perexa, Celexa, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Serzone. I’ve tried nearly every single one of them. Actually, no. As of this week I HAVE tried every single one these, because my psychiatrist gave me some new samples to try. Then there’s the ADD meds, which I’ve had much less success with. I’m still looking for The One that will complete me. I know it’s out there, I just haven’t found it yet.

For example, regarding anxiety and phobias, one needs to make the distinction between true and appropriate fear as a result of true danger, present or impending, and irrational fear caused by oneself. The student wrote the following in the margin–why, I have no idea:

Through travel I found an excuse to believe I was an exceptional person. Travel is extraordinarily challenging. You face language barriers and the simple logistical problems of feeding, housing, and finding transportation everyday. You are surrounded by ways of life that you don’t completely understand. What you considered to be logical and unquestionable beliefs are suddenly not so rock steady, but you survive. Facing these challenges and coping, if not excelling, gave me great confidence. Putting myself in extremely awkward social situations made all those awkward social situations at home seem easy. Normally, I develop a severe anxiety towards many social situations at home but during , and for sometime after, travel that anxiety evaporates. This confidence is my second lesson of travel.

I usually have a few short conversations with Dennis, but for some reason today was different. Somehow we ended up sharing our life stories. He shared that his daughter was in a car-accident and paralyzed from the waist down. I shared that my mom had committed suicide when I was just 19. I told him how I found out about family I never knew existed. He told me of his ex-wife and daughter’s struggle with manic depression. He shared that he had his skull fractured when he was mugged on Grant street, but he healed. I shared how my dad got cancer, and is in remission. We both laughed through-out this conversation, saying, you know, you’ve just gotta keep a positive outlook on life…otherwise you’re just going to get bogged down in sadness. Sometimes all you need in life is that (dare i use counseling 101’s term) validation. That feeling that someone else has endured something close to what’s hit you, and they’ve live through it. They’ve succeed. But they understand you better than anyone even though you just met them on a walk. I spent over 45 minutes in the park that morning. I was late. But I had a smile on my face all day.

There was no one to turn to. No place to find comfort. Immediate reasons for distress had no relevancy. This was the bottom of a valley, buried under a landslide of many months of depression and struggle.

If my GP was open minded, not patronising, was happy to openingly discuss test results with me and not fob me off with antidepressants (the uninterested GPs cure all pill to get rid of you) then I'd begin to consider that they should be renumberated well. By that I mean in line with other professions. I do not believe that currently this is the situation.

On to more chicken topics. What would you all rather die of: mad cow disease or the chicken (avian) flu? As for me, I’ll probably die of both since I eat steak every other day and if I’m not eating steak I’m having chicken or pork. Plus, I’ve been to Viet Nam seven times and I might go in May.

They have also actively worked to redefine or blur the definitions of recognized conditions so as to justify diagnosing them in more patients, thus increasing the potential market for their products, and have publicly advertised their products for conditions which affect small proportions of the population in order to create demand for medication for conditions - especially ones affecting children - that the public fears but does not understand, such as ADHD (by publicizing controversial treatments to parents and teachers) and bipolar disorder (through advertising literally intended to convince women that they are crazier than they or their psychiatrists believe).

Her health went from bad to worse. Her list of ailments: glaucoma, diabetes, high blood pressure, gastric problems… and her recent medical report says that she might develop kidney problems if not treated early. More gruelling physical tests, money worries and depression were to come.

For those who’ve never had the … “fun” … of watching a movie with me, let me tell you: since I suffer from Nerd Attention Deficit Disorder, the act of watching a movie and doing nothing else while watching it is anathema to me. When I watch TV at home, I am always doing something else: working on the server, writing, consuming feeds, something. Gilmore Girls is not able to get my full, undivided attention: mainly because I spend every episode writing Kari an email about every bit I do and don’t like about a show. [Mostly what I hate.] [[And Kari is a sweetheart not only for reading those emails, but responding to them. Have I told you lately that I love you, Kari? Totally in that “you put up with all the insane emails I send you” kind of way.]]

I was also really depressed. Okay. I have been taking antidepressants since I was 15. The two do not mix. And can actually make the depression worse. So I was back on my meds and still trying to deal with everything. I remember sleeping every chance I got. I was so tired. That was a coping skill too I guess. Which was new for me. At least I think it was. Usually when stressed I tend to lose sleep. But then I slept every chance I got. Met some women in the program that I still talk to today.

On the other side of the coin, Brooke Shields also had a baby yesterday. Apparently, she had it in the same hospital, on the same floor as TomKat. Thankfully, she and the baby are doing just fine (unlike last time when she was suffering from Post-Partum Depression and was taking medications because of it– starting a war between her and– you guessed it — Tom Cruise, who said that Post-Partum Depression did not exist and there was no reason for a mother to take antidepressants. This coming from a man who thinks that people care what the hell he has to say).

As I’ve made clear elsewhere, I have Bipolar Disorder, also called Manic Depressive illness. The condition was diagnosed when I was twenty-six. (Most likely, the onset of symptoms came nine years earlier.) I have never attempted to hide the disorder from friends and work associates and I have been “out of the closet” — in the sense aknowledging it to whoever stumbles upon my blog(s) — for about a year. The candor is a little uncomfortable at times but I’d feel craven if I did anything else. “If,” I’ve written, “a tenured professor cannot summon the modest courage required [to be upfront about having Bipolar Disorder], then I don’t know who could reasonably be asked.”

The Australian body that governs cheerleading has banned midriff-baring attire because showing skin "in front of family groups" may somehow "encourage eating disorders".

Similarly, when a married woman suffers from mental diseases like schizoprenia, bipolar disorder, it creates problems and conflicts in her marital relations. When such a girl commits suicide(even at the residence of her own parents), a dowry case against the husband is filed promptly. A woman who may have an affair(la hum dil de chuke sanam), may commit suicide as she is not interested in conjugal relations with her husband and her parents are against her. In that state of “nowhere”, she commits suicide and a dowry death case is promptly registered.

I’ve tried to eliminate jealousy from my life. I’ve had such a battle with it in the past that it could have easily torn Melissa and I apart before we ever got started. Fortunate side-effect of self-therapy for bipolar disorder #6: you learn to recognize the irrational thoughts and behaviors in your life, and to maybe take a few moments before acting to let your rational mind take the reins again. I think that’s how I’ve learned to spot the difference between a third party who is totally out of mine and my significant other’s control, and the sort of valid and rational jeaousy (which I think is better described as behavior that signals a bad or unhealthy (for me, at least) relationship.

The BBC is back with more downer news. (See You may already be a downer for the previous mad cow disease news.) Though the headline is about blood transfusions, there’s no evidence in the article that the newfound risk of subclinical mad cow disease is restricted to human-to-human transmission. Up to 90% of people who have chowwed on mad cows in the past could be sleeper cases right now.

The next day we met up in the lobby and headed out to a museum. At breakfast I could only get down a glass of orange juice. We found the museum and went inside, where we had a lunch reservation. Shortly after being seated, I was hit with another wave of anxiety and overwhelming negative emotion. I excused myself and found my way back to the hotel, where I packed my bags and called a taxi. I was headed to the train station. The destination would be Amsterdam.