Mental Health Update

We med Vlad, picked up Elena on the way, and had a pleasant drive out to the Ussurisk baby house followed by a pretty good visit with Anna. Pictures from Day 2 are found here. I think Steve and I both had some anxiety still about it all, but we have the benefit of a previous adoption and remember feeling very anxious and scared when we decided to adopt Adelina. It is just such a huge decision and a major responsibility we are taking on. You can’t help but question it all some. Anna gave us some sweet hugs, though, and we were really warming up to the idea of making her our own.

I got to the birth center and my midiwfe said she’d like to monitor my contractions and the baby’s heartbeat for a few minutes. She did, and it was clear I was having good, strong contractions every three minutes or so. I was now feeling that I needed to get in different positions during the contractions and really concentrate when I was having one. Jon showed up and began helping me handle my anxiety that the baby might be coming too early.

It’s time for change. It’s been three years since I kicked my husband out for having several affairs and began gaining weight. I’ve been feeding my feelings of depression, anxiety, and fear ever since then. This kind of behavior is over! Life is passing me by as I engross myself each evening in television and junk food. I have become a person I don’t recognize. I know who I think I look like until I look into the mirror and see a stranger looking back. Who is this person I ask myself? Where did I go and what did I do to myself?

Before I begin to induce hypnosis in cancer patients, I explain to them that pain isn’t a simple, pure thing. There is hard pain, there is soft pain, burning pain, cold pain, stabbing, cutting, heavy pain. I think of all the possible adjectives that I can to describe the pain so that my patient will listen to me. Then I point out to the patient, “You know, pain in some part of your body doesn’t hurt you half as much as it does in another part of your body. “ I know from psychiatric practice that people can displace sensations.

It’s that time…the time of the month that women loathe. For me, I tend to get a knot in my stomach that won’t go away for a week straight. But it’s not a pain knot, it’s an anxiety knot. I tend to clean more, work more, and worry more during this week than any other.

Several years ago, a lot of that ended when I had my first panic attack. I had gone on a medical mission to Guatemala, and as a flight was about to take off from Texas to the West Coast, I had my first panic attack. We were stopping in Texas from Guatemala City and allowed to get off the plane. When reboarding, the plane was extremely hot, crowded and we were lined up in the aisle moving very slowly to our seats at the rear of the plane. I suddenly began to perspire and had a fear that if I did not exit the plane immediately, I would die. I was almost to the back of the plane, and I suddenly turned around and started marching fiercely toward the front of the plane, pushing everyone aside and begging them to please step aside and let me off.

I’ve been thinking more and more about what exactly it is in American culture that causes so many of us to be diagnosed with anxiety and depressive disorders. In the United States, it is easy to “live in a box”, an artificial life of sorts. I’ve been thinking about this lately because I live in a very nice, quiet apartment where people pretty much keep to themselves.

Our society isn't very good at making space for healthy emotional expressions. We are "embarrassed" to cry in public, we can accept an angry man but get really uncomfortable if a woman expresses anger. If someone is having a bad day people are inclined to say, "cheer up" or worse yet, "why don't you smile?"

Lasting motivation is what is needed for success in the reduction of anxiety and its related issues. I have been told that one way for anxiety attack help to be successful is making a change in the way you think about your issues.

Do you look forward to Christmas, Easter, and other family holidays? Or do you get so stressed that you have trouble enjoying these special occasions? Stress is a common problem for moms during holiday seasons, but there’s no reason that you shouldn’t enjoy these times just as much as everyone else. Here are some tips to help you have great holidays without all the hassle…

If you find yourself feeling completely out of control with worry, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder, and you may need counseling and medication to overcome your worries. If that is the case, your doctor can recommend treatment plans that can reduce the emotional anguish that anxiety disorders can cause.

The inner catastrophizing got frantic enough that I tried something I’ve never tried before, though Senior Pastor swears by it. I began praying the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me.” At first it actually raised the anxiety to a frantic pitch. Maybe I’ve never liked it because I’ve never resonated with the word mercy.

When friends ring up, crying, traumatized, or very angry about a situation, do you know how to best respond? I hear from many people that they want to have a structure around how to help their traumatized friends: they want to know what to do and how to do it.

I wanted to see if I could move the hip joint to see how this all fit together and had a short moment of terror as it pulled out of the socket and i was left holding the upper section of the mans leg. My anxiety heightened as thoughts raced through my head that I really messed something up and that perhaps the school would be upset with me. I realized that someone had removed this section of the leg intentionally to show others how the initial surgery took place. I attempted to put things back to the way I found them and decided that perhaps I should go check on the gals who invited me to the lab.

1) She confessed to having had an anxiety nightmare about school just the night before…

The big risks get avoided because they provoke too much anxiety. I’m all for a reduction in anxiety. Paradoxically, the best way to reduce those uncomfortable feelings…both in you and in the rest of the organization…is to face that monster in the living room and understand it to death. We all know the dangers of analysis paralysis, and that should not obscure the reality that most scary project-type challenges suffer from a lack, rather than a surfeit, of understanding.

Feeling stressed out? Tired? Bored? Here's a few simple tips to cope with stress and help you become more energetic and alert:

What is the best way to wake up early? I did some searching on the topic of how to get up early. It seems, that like the proverbial arsehole, everyone’s got an opinion on this one. If you have one, I invite you to jot it down in our Sleep Forum.

I’m not asking for pity, mind you (yes I am), just expressing some more anxiety. Granted, a lot of the of blogs I looked at were people who were farther along their candidacy than I. In particular, Shashi’s blog really impressed me–he and I finished our B.A.s the same year, but (my guess is) he went right into the grad program while I first pursued employment in publishing and then spent a year dithering, twiddling my thumbs, and generally doing nothing to make an impact in the larger world. But here he is, quoting Edward Said and excerpting journal articles like there’s no tomorrow. I’m not even sure what journals cater to my critical interests.

This week began with 2 projects for Jim’s class followed by 2 lesson plans and a quiz in Dr. Andrade’s class.Tomorrow the dreaded graphic organizers are due in Cheryl’s Equity and Diversity class. I really did not know what to expect when I began this Credential program but I am very happy about the fun, witty, caring and talented members of the”team 25″ group. We all click in different ways because of our workload bonding. Tech class has actually been a great experience helping me get caught up with technology and my anxiety issues are gone. I still have some minor tech failures but I am no longer fearful of computers. Yipppeeeee! I dove in and experimented with help from Robert in class and the “hubster” @ home. I’m getting it! I’m getting it!

I don’t think it is a teething, ear ache, constipation, etc., thing because as soon as I hold David in my arms, he immediately stops crying. I then usually rock him to sleep lying down in my arms, not upright. It is almost the same position that he would be in if he were in his crib. It seems to me (us) that it is most of an issue with seperation anxiety. He wants his mom, and he wants her now! So he gets mad. He isn’t usually crying (no tears), he is just yelling because he is mad that we have left him in his crib.

LOL I have become very sentimental…hehe Nah, it's just been recently. The feeling's rather…unique in a sense. You find urself caught in the middle of two identities, finding that you no longer belong in one; but you're not part of the other yet. Even how awkward it is, I can't seem to shrug it off. Is this anxiety? Excitement? I'm not entirely sure myself.

So I’m officially diagnosed as Clinically Depressed with Anxiety Disorder. I was thinking more like Schizophrenia, but whatever. I just hope there’s a Jessica Lang movie made about me. I’ll think of a cooler way to kill myself, fail again, and then live in a home where a sexy orderly takes pity on my frail body and falls in love with me. Then we have kids. And one of them looks exactly like Dakota Fanning and teaches me how to love life.

For example, regarding anxiety and phobias, one needs to make the distinction between true and appropriate fear as a result of true danger, present or impending, and irrational fear caused by oneself. The student wrote the following in the margin–why, I have no idea:

Through travel I found an excuse to believe I was an exceptional person. Travel is extraordinarily challenging. You face language barriers and the simple logistical problems of feeding, housing, and finding transportation everyday. You are surrounded by ways of life that you don’t completely understand. What you considered to be logical and unquestionable beliefs are suddenly not so rock steady, but you survive. Facing these challenges and coping, if not excelling, gave me great confidence. Putting myself in extremely awkward social situations made all those awkward social situations at home seem easy. Normally, I develop a severe anxiety towards many social situations at home but during , and for sometime after, travel that anxiety evaporates. This confidence is my second lesson of travel.

The next day we met up in the lobby and headed out to a museum. At breakfast I could only get down a glass of orange juice. We found the museum and went inside, where we had a lunch reservation. Shortly after being seated, I was hit with another wave of anxiety and overwhelming negative emotion. I excused myself and found my way back to the hotel, where I packed my bags and called a taxi. I was headed to the train station. The destination would be Amsterdam.

Here are some common ways this feeling expresses itself physically: (1) a tightness in the throat, chest or between the shoulder blades, (2) pain in the lower back, (3) headaches or dizziness, (4) chronic fatigue, (5) numbness of certain parts of the body, (6) anxiety and tenseness, (7) difficulty swallowing, (8) nausea, (9) upset stomach or irritable bowel, (10) ringing in the ears.

I have spent the past 3 hours crying. I can no longer eat my anxiety, fear and anger. I don't use drugs, I don't drink, I no longer smoke or eat. So what the fuck am I supposed to do now to help me deal with my "issues"?

The thing is I hadn’t wanted to go in tomorrow but I’ll be there 10am sharp.I can’t bear to begin thinking about what happens if they’re not there,they HAVE to be there.I’ve tried not thinking about it,even valium doesn’t stop the anxiety.I’ve lost so much to theft over the last few years that I find it difficult to trust in a group situation even though the rational part of my mind says it’ll be fine the experienced,ripped off side says you wont know until they’re in your hands again.This time tomorrow I’ll know.

I’ve been trying to get my thoughts straight on this here topic ever since I so brazenly included it in the title of my blog. I think what I mean by it is that things exist in my nature and personality that often others view as being mutually exclusive. Examples….let’s see. I’m in a serious, academic graduate program, with all intents of persuing a second degree, but at the same time, when asked what I want to be when I grow up, the answer my heart gives is “a mom and a wife,” even as my brain answers “a university professor.” Others? I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and Sex and the City with the same veracity. Another example? I am a person who follows God, a Christian, but I am also a person with a chemical imbalance. I’ve been told frequently that depression, anxiety, etc. are signs of weak faith, that they need to be adressed through prayer, that if we believe more, we’ll be set free. I don’t believe that that’s true. I framed my thoughts about it this way on the blog of a woman I admire earlier this week:

Military studies already indicate that nearly one-fifth of returning soldiers struggle with depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder. Many veterans suspect the numbers are much higher. Military officials said they were especially concerned about National Guard soldiers and reservists who, according to a recent Army Medical Department study, have higher rates of post-deployment stress.

As for the violence, I can only image its an expression of my subconscious, that I’m fighting with something within, an inner anxiety, I can think of 2 off the top of my head, but they are being dealt with, albeit frustratingly slowly.

What does this say about me: hmmm, I am a well-organized, intelligent person who gets a lot accomplished, who is sociable with others. I care about the well being of others, and don’t experience undo anxiety about my own self. That’s just a few things that I took from their explanations.

In the last two years I lost my father, got married, list a dear friend, and lost a job. I have had terrible anxiety and stress, and although I don’t seem to have any depression, the doctor has put me on Zoloft for a while to try to cub the butterflies in my stomach that have worked thier way into my chest as well. It seems to be working. I was able to stop smoking and I haven’t had a panic or anxiety attack since the drug kicked in.

I just took an existentialism quiz, “How meaningful is your life? The Existential Anxiety Scale.” I scored a 13/32. I have no idea how to read the “How do you compare?” chart, but since my score is less than 50%, I’ll assume I’m not much of one. In fact, I find some of the things I marked to be rather contradictory.

dear diary...hi well im not gona say its been a long time cuz heck im tired of saying tht all the time...need a change something fresh something new to my life dont ya think so? now diary i went to the tripple bday bash of shayeste the im so hot and smart and always get watever i want girl and jee yungs and rustoms bday bash. now they hired the whole sputnik for about 200 dollars as rushad puts it and rushad also mentioned that the main reason why they bar manager allowed them to have the place rented was cuz their so called bar tabs have to be high enough and ppl should buy drinks.....thats wat rushad told me...makes sense to me....actually everything tht rushad says from a scientific perspective makes sense....then again he is this engineer and so one would assume he would be brainy enough as it is....so today i want to talk aboout the bday bash....well my feelngs while i was getting dressed for the bday bash were conflicting between anxiety and between nervousenees and the thought of facing dave after calling him freak online and after telling him "why dont u go pimp out with your homies"?

Volunteer your time. Opportunities to volunteer are endless. They range from reading stories to children at your local school, driving seniors to doctor appointments, getting involved with Meals on Wheels, to preparing food baskets. Call your local volunteer bureau – the need for volunteers is especially great at this time of year.

Have I mentioned I hate people? OK. Not really hate people, maybe despise crowds is a better way to say how I feel. Holiday shopping season has started, and I no longer want to leave my house. I think I felt social anxiety at the hardware and grocery stores yesterday. And, the shopping rush isn’t even in full swing until this weekend. That’s when driving around town becomes unbearable. Thank goodness I can do all my shopping over the Internet.

Avoid overscheduling yourself. Use an agenda to keep track of your holiday commitments so that you can physically see what you are committing yourself to. Along with your commitments to others make sure to include some downtime for yourself - even if it is half and hour here and there. Knowing that you have some personal time will help you to stay positive.

I can remember clearly around this time last year with the impending birthday only a couple of weeks away that I began to feel a little anxiety.

It’s not the same as when they are older. Oh there’s the occasional “I wonder what she’s doing now” thoughts about the oldest, and the nagging fear of with the boy, wondering if he’s okay. But it’s not a missing part. With each of them I had nagging feeling between boredom and anxiety waiting for them to get home from long school trips, birthday parties, outings with a grandparent or family friend. When they walk back in the door, full of tales of their adventure everything is normal again.

I was damn nervous about my surgery. Fortunately I work out my anxiety before the surgery and am totally calm when the surgery happens, but by the time I arrived home after stopping at the pharmacy I was exhausted, and in a lot of pain.

I sent Gavin for a 3-hour trial lesson at The Montessori Playroom yesterday. It has been four months since he went to school and I was worried that he would exhibit some separation anxiety. But he ended up liking the place a lot and that prompted me to want to sign him up for a longer term programme. But guess what? I was told he wasn’t quite ready for the school yet and it would be better to sign him up next year! Oh, what a shame!

Today was a lazy day. I slept in and then did my usual chores of laundry and cleaning. I had a weird dizzy spell that forced me to sit down and pray that I wouldn't pass out with my head between my knees. It was so bizarre because I broke out in a sweat and my breathing was all strained. I think it may have been an anxiety attack that hit hard and fast. It passed fairly quickly and I drank some water and had a sandwich afterwards. I felt much better a few moments after I ate. I think maybe I shouldn't have had corn pops for breakfast. I think I should start with protein and add the sugary crap later if at all. For some reason, what I eat first thing in the day seems to matter.

I was sitting at gate 21 in Chicago’s O’Hare Airport waiting to make way back to Springfield after attending the A2 Conference at Willow Creek. The waiting area was crowded. Everyone sat patiently, waiting for the plane to arrive so we could board and get on our way. A plane pulled up to the gate and we all watched as the passengers were unloaded and headed on their way. You could see people working to get ready to take off and bring us home. A few minutes before boarding time I began to get a little nervous…there was nobody at the gate to let us on the plane. Boarding time came and went and there were no people from the airlines to begin the boarding process. You could feel the anxiety rising as we waited 5 minutes…10 minutes…still no call to board the plane. Finally an off-duty pilot went down to the plane to find out what was going on. Apparently the airline had forgotten about us and had failed to send anyone to the gate to help boarding of the plane.

I do suppose that South Asian earthquake is a little more pressing than my screaming exam anxiety. Apparently the current estimated death toll is sitting at 38,000. That's impressive, in a way that aids the realization that it's not all about me and triggers empathy for strangers. A ton of rubble on ones head versus the anticipatory anxiety of having to pretend like I know something about politics and history. Yeah, I'm a whiney bitch and I need to do something about that unhealthy relationship my head has with my arse.

Me and Tony have been doing good this week. He was such a trooper on Friday taking care of all the bills and actually laughing again. I love it when he laughs. It reminds me of the Tony that I met and the reason I love him. He's wanting to go to the doctor to help with his anxiety and at first I was hesitant about it, but now, I know he needs it, so I'm all for it. God, he deals with so much. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he goes through to get through the days.

My doctor prescribed me the same anxiety drugs, but now I have to take one during the day and one during the evening to calm my ass down and make me feel better. I does relieve something in me, and makes me concentrate better. The fury inside of me calmed me down also, the mood stabilizers are doing the job, I do not get so pissed and want to rip someones throat out anything.

Today is Ashlin’s first day at preschool. We took her in around 8:30 a.m., and she immediately went to the table of other toddlers who were eating snacks, sat right down and joined in. No fear of socializing with this baby. She didn’t show any anxiety when we left either, although she did crack a huge grin and giggle when I did the “I’m watching you” thing we do to each other. Watch Meet the Parents and you’ll see where we got it from.

So I have been here at college for a week and it has been quite interesting. I haven't been eating right and i feel like I am screwing myself up with worry and nervousness. At first I thought that I didn't want to be here, but now I think it is more that I have a social anxiety. I like hanging out with people but I have a hard time motivating myself to actually do it and then I spend a lot of time being afraid of it. I don't really have many "sisters" that I want to hang out with so i spend most of my time in my room.

Now for many, an incident such as this would be painful, a moment of sheer anxiety and terror- but when you are surrounded by Eddie Ricers- a moment of pain and suffering is transformed into a moment of fun- I cannot express my gratitude to my fellow Eddie Ricers enough for their ongoing help late into the night and well into the day - thanks especially to Chris’s dad who was kind enough to examine my injuries..

I've been battling a mild case of anxiety for the past few days, mostly over my new students. I've been doing the first round of preliminary scheduling (which is easier than I had thought it was going to be) and compiling a starter lesson notebook for each of my new students (which is much more work than I had anticipated). All through this, I've been doing some revisions on my master method book and I've found that I pretty much hate everything that I've done in my lessons for the past six years. It's been rough, but productive.

I just don’t scare anymore. Sure, I’ll jump if something startles me, but nothing gets me so scared thatI need to sleep with a nightlight on or hide under my blankets. I reckon it is the Paxil that has taken away my fear gene or something. Idk. Reminds me of that book series, Fearless about this young teenage girl who was born without the fear gene. Lucky girl she is. I’d kill for that, Then maybe I wouldn’t be so terrified ofspiders and storms and maybe I wouldn’t have social anxiety. Idk, man, idk.

It's becoming increasingly harder for me to leave him to go places like home, or work, or even to the grocery store. I think I'm experiencing actual separation anxiety. It was really bad on Friday. Even my sister asked, "What's wrong with you..? Oh, that's right, Grant's out of town, isn't he?" God, is it that obvious? I'm feeling more and more pathetic everyday.

Had a meeting in Glasgow this afternoon and it was in a new building. I used to be really really scared of heights (within buildings and man-made structures, I like to have my feet on the real ground so hills are ok), sometimes not even coping with going up the first floor. Anyway, I’m much better now and even when I have relapses it’s never as bad as it was ten years ago. Plus I know prozac works for me even if it does take a couple of weeks to get in the system. So, this meeting was up on the 5th floor, which I can deal with. I’d rather be lower down, but I can do the 5th. Only today it was in a room with big windows and a view over the city. I had to ask the woman I was meeting if we could perhaps not sit by them, she was very understanding, perhaps too understanding as she kept asking if I was ok.

Ibn Hazm on Anxiety. This was taken from “al akhlaq wal siyar”. I have serious akhlaq issues, so when I read this stuff, it makes me sit still and go into automatic time-out mode. After reading inshaAllah, just sit still and ponderrrr…. Mannnnnn, I love this stuff! woah. I just really, truly LOVE this stuff! I have an urge to scream right now.

1) Sing - loudly
2) Go on long walks (either to look for cool rocks or just around, depending on locale)
3) Drive :twisted:
4) Take pictures
5) Write

I’m not going to tag anyone, but if you feel the need to follow suit; knock yourself out.

So to the present. I start my new job tomorrow and I’m very excited about it, with a bit of anxiety. I haven’t gone to a “job” job type situation in a long time, and while I miss it, I need to get my mind back in that mental space. I started it with a purge of a lot of conceptual theory books that I had when I thought I’d do a PhD. I know everything I need to know about post-structuralism, thank you very much.

I saw this meme on someone else’s blog and thought that it was way cool … so I’m participating! :) You’re supposed to list “… things you enjoy, not because you have to but because you WANT to, even when no one around you wants to go out and play … what lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list; post it to your journal.” Here are mine:

I know I am finding myself tired again. I wasn't near as tired when I had quit for a whole month. The biggest thing I face in quitting is anxiety. I got really anxious when I tried to quit before. I was also pretty restless but that wasn't as bad because I would get out and do things. Although also had a lot of trouble focusing on things.

So I thought my treatment was complete. And perhaps it will go on for another year. I am not overly anxious about this – it may be the Zoloft that cuts down on my anxiety or it may be my weekly counseling sessions that are helping me process overwhelming information. Regardless, I plan to keep tossing this new dilemma around in my head until I feel a definite sense of direction.

Worries about addiction to anxiolytics (Valium, Librium, Ativan) and hypnotics (Mogadon, Temazepam) has meant that people are now looking for more natural methods of relieving stress and anxiety. The most simple and natural way to achieve mental harmony is offered by relaxation. Even relaxing for a short time, say 15 minutes per day can be of great benefit.

I am lucky that not too far from my office is a hypnotherapist and I refer a number of clients to him who are asking about smoking. My level of experience in using acupuncture to stop smoking is a moderate success at best and I find that I am most helpful with the side effects of anxiety, irritability and sleeplessness. I can help take the edge off the craving, but I can’t make it go away.

Like heart disease, anxiety and depression, scientists discovered in a study of 1,397 pairs of female twins that there is a genetic basis to female orgasm.

Anxiety disorders were the most prevalent (affecting 28.8 percent of Americans at some time in their life), followed by impulse-control disorders (24.8 percent), mood disorders (20.8 percent) and substance use disorders (14.6 percent).

The workers allowed the pups to hear their mother's call during the period of separation and found that this auditory input increased the serotonin receptor concentration in the males' amygdala, yet decreased the concentration of these same receptors in females. Although it is difficult to extrapolate from this study to human behavior, the results hint that if something similar occurs in children, separation anxiety might differentially affect the emotional well-being of male and female infants. Experiments such as these are necessary if we are to understand why, for instance, anxiety disorders are far more prevalent in girls than in boys.